Balmy nights and barmy people

This balmy winter is giving rise to some pretty barmy behaviour; although it is probably rather generous to the nitwits to whom I’m about to refer that I should blame their stupidity upon the weather.

The first culprit is the imbecile who sent a bill to a couple of poor buggers who found themselves trapped on the 22^nd floor of the Grand Chancellor Hotel in Christchurch on February 22. Understandably the pair was mighty pissed off, despite the fact the hotel has since waived the bill (such generosity!). The poor buggers had to exit the rubble via collapsed staircases and eventually get rescued from a rooftop by a crane (while aftershocks were still happening). The bill included a parking fee for their car which was trapped in the building for two months and even a charge for the movie they were in the middle of watching when the quake struck. The Grand Chancellor’s big cheese for Australia and New Zealand explained that the accountant ‘wouldn’t have realised these people were stuck in the building’. 

So where has this retarded bean counter been for the last four months? In outer space? He had to know this was the hotel that was hit by the quake and it would hardly need Sherlock Holmes to figure out that anyone who was in it on Feb 22 should not be sent a bill.

The second idiot to come to my attention this week is the mean spirited individual at the aforementioned guests’ insurance company who refused to pay out on their luggage because he said it could still be recovered. I reckon he should go in and get it if he is so sure about that. Either these people will then get their luggage back or this nincompoop will get a better appreciation of the situation.

And so the ninnies keep popping up. What about the Kronic debate. It’s Kronic by name and chronic by nature if you ask me. I just read of a dimwit in Dunners who reckons she and her partner have spent $8500 on this rubbish over the last five months. As if this wasn’t silly enough, she even had the audacity to say, “It was a natural product, it got us way higher than pot, it is legal, cheaper, easier to get and you get way more than in a tinny [of cannabis]."    

Well clearly she and I have a completely different idea of what is and is not ‘natural’. So for her benefit; a plant that is grown and harvested without any additives is natural whereas a mixture with acknowledged added chemicals (and a few that weren’t like the phenazepam) is not. Here endeth the chemistry lesson.

But her stupidity doesn’t enedeth there; this silly cow and her silly dropkick bloke need an economics lesson, which is rich coming from an impecunious writer such as me. $8500 divided by five equals $1700. Therefore they have been consuming $1700 worth of this stuff each month. They say they used to use the real thing, but I have to wonder how long ago, because for $1700 I’m guessing they could have bought between five and six ounces of cannabis for amount. Now if we take that a bit further it breaks down to between two and three ounces each per month and that is a hell of a lot for one person. If Kronic was getting them any more stoned than that quantity of dope I would estimate they would barely be able to walk or talk on it.

So my bottom line on this one is that there is another idiot involved in this story and it is Hamish McNally of the ODT who is so credulous he actually believed these figures and wrote such a patently stupid story to climb on the bandwagon of Kronic (or chronic if you like) features in the media.

Of course reading drivel like that story and listening to all the posturing by MPs, civic leaders et al about this dreadful ‘threat to our yoof’ and all the things they reckon they’re going to do to stop it unmasks some more idiots. The legislators who ban things like cannabis in the first place have effectively handed a ready-made (and let’s face it profitable) market to the criminal fraternity. But what is really sickening about this is the fact many of these legislators know this is not the way, but none have the intestinal fortitude to take the first step to change it. And why?  Because they are genuinely worried about the dangers of the substance? No; it’s because they are afraid of an electoral backlash in which they might lose their seat and actually have to work for a living.

Where is the Monster Raving Looney Party when you need it, eh?