Tuesday, 5 June 2012

A series of non-sequiturs

There are times when the world just doesn’t seem to make any sense. At times it seems everywhere you look you see something that is being broadly accepted by the sheep-like masses but which doesn’t follow in a logical sense.

The first of these to catch my eye over the last couple of days was the decision to induct Phil the Greek into the Order of New Zealand for ‘services to New Zealand’.

Clearly this is a case of Jianqi kissing HM’s arse big-time with a view to ingratiating himself and lining up a similar array of honours for himself in the future. It also goes to show how vain the royal in-breds are, and how the old matriarch couldn’t resist adding another title to her beloved’s already vast collection. I could fill an entire A4 page with all the honours and decorations and letters after his name. Most of them were awarded in a similar bum kissing fashion to the latest one and are equally irrelevant. He has such honours and awards from approximately 50 different countries, of which less than 10 are even part of the British Commonwealth. Oh and if you think my inbred remark is unfair, consider this; in addition to being Lizzie’s husband, Phil the Greek is also her third cousin. No wonder their eldest son wanted to be a tampon.

Those who have read my blogs regularly will have gathered I don’t have any time for the Royal Honours or even Royalty. However I recognise the need for some kind of recognition of genuinely good works and don’t mind people such as John Kirwan getting a nod for the work he has done for those living with depression or for Nancy Merriman for the great job she has done setting up the Katikati Heritage Museum and various others who do good works that they aren’t handsomely rewarded for.

However to return to my opening point; given the honours system we currently have in NZ it would seem only fair those inducted into the Order of New Zealand should be New Zealanders. It is our highest civilian honour and is limited to a maximum of 20 living New Zealanders, although they also allow extra members to be appointed ‘to commemorate important royal, state or national occasions’. This latter rider obviously gives them the scope to appoint Phil the Greek in the year of his missus’ jubilee. So okay they left the door open and before him his ma-in-law was awarded the same gong, but it still doesn’t seem right that a Danish/Greek married to the Queen of England should be awarded the Order of New Zealand.

Another item that caught my eye and didn’t seem right was about another institution I have zero time for; the beauty pageant circus. Granny Herald ran a story about the latest Miss Universe New Zealand who it seems might not be able to take part in the world contest because she doesn’t actually qualify to be Miss Universe New Zealand. Confused?

Well it seems Avianca Bohm who was given the title over the weekend is not a New Zealand citizen. Ms Bohm is South African born and was apparently told by contest organisers that she could enter the contest but she could not win it because the contest rules state you must have New Zealand residency and citizenship. While Ms Bohm has residency she does not possess the latter, making her ineligible.

At a moment like this two obvious questions arise (or three if you count ‘why should anyone care’); the first is why did an ineligible bimbo get chosen ahead of all the eligible bimbos? And the second is why was an ineligible contestant allowed to contest?

Well the answer to the second question is simple. Every contestant has to pay a ‘sponsorship fee’ of $3000. It would appear the organisers have no problem taking that money from someone who can’t win and I’d have to say that any dim-witted bint who entered under conditions such as that deserves to lose her $3000.

The answer to the first question is a little harder to ascertain as it involves handbags at ten paces between pageant director Val Lott and chief judge Jack Yan. She says it shoudl be an embarrasment to the judges and not the pageant because she told them Ms Bohm couldn't win. Meanwhile Yan says   no she didn't make it clear (blub, blub) and she shouldn't blame them.
There are a number of competing beauty pageants around the world and it’s a bit like professional boxing you never know who the champion really is. Not that it makes much difference anyway as in my opinion both activities are ones that should be consigned to the garbage bins of history and done away with altogether. Both rely upon the exploitation of people who don’t possess any really useful talents. This particular one is run by the Donald Trump organisation and they had a bit of a hoo-hah earlier this year when a Jenna Talackova, a transgender contestant entered the Canadian contest. Initially she was told she couldn’t enter because the contest was only open to ‘naturally born females’ which is an interesting phrase that reminds me of a jolly jape the Bard pulled in the play whose name we dare not mention. It cost the mad Scot his head. But when Ms Talackova tooled herself up with a serious legal eagle the contest organisers decided that as long as she satisfied the legal gender recognition requirements of Canada, and the standards established by other international competitions’ she could enter.

Actually I found out this year’s Kiwi leg of the contest has also had a rather tricky history. Only a couple of days out from the final five of the contestants were struck down by a stomach bug and one of the judges tripped on a pothole and wound up in hospital. Perhaps the Universe is trying to tell them to stop taking its name in vain.

My next non sequitur involves the money man who has a problem getting figures correct. Jianqi spent his working life in the world of high finances before he was eased into his currently well-paid sinecure by his ‘connected’ mates. You might think somebody in this field would have an affinity for figures or at least be able to quote figures with some modicum of accuracy.

But it would seem our Prime Minotaur cannot handle even the simplest of calculations. There has already been considerable doubt cast over the figures he quoted for the benefits that would accrue to the country after he has sold half the family home, but now it appears our gallivanting leader couldn’t even get the figures correct around the number of jobs we would get in return for selling our gambling laws to SkyCity.

When he put the deal to us, Jianqi said the convention centre would provide over 900 construction jobs and create work for a further 800 people at the convention centre. If these figures were true it might make sense for the government to fund this venture themselves, but of course he would have known those figures were mere spin, which is why they aren’t.

Stephen Hamilton of Horwarth Ltd, a company employed by the Jianqi Government to do a feasibility study on the project is alarmed at the figures released by the PM. He says their study put the number of jobs at between 318 and 479 or roughly only half the number Jianqi was trumpeting. Furthermore Hamilton says the figures include total extra staffing including extra taxi drivers and people working at the hotels rather than just those actually employed at the convention centre. Hamilton also says their report estimated 150 construction jobs each year for five years making a total of 750.

Of course our Prime Moron is away overseas kicking up his heels at Liz and Phil’s royal bash as he has been every time the shit has been about to hit the fan this term. So he is unable to comment on how he could have overstated the number of construction jobs by more than 20 percent and the number of convention centre jobs by almost 50 percent.

But the most puzzling non sequitur of the lot is why did New Zealanders vote this prick back in and how come the opinion polls don’t seem to show any major drop off in his popularity. The answer to the first of these is difficult unless you simply accept we are living in a nation of dimwits, while the second is much easier; someone is messing with the figures again.


  1. The President of the RSA was recently fined for wearing medals he didn't earn. I wonder how many of the medals Prince Phillip wears as part of his Christmas tree garb were honestly earned.

  2. Sounds a bit like my predicament - and before you say anything, no, I'm not entering a beauty pageant!
    I am prohibited from running for local council (lucky for them) because despite having lived in Tauranga since 1969, I don't have an NZ passport, and quite frankly I have more pressing things to deal with to fork out around $1000 to qualify to get one.