Intelligence gathering is getting harder

Is it just me or are our criminals getting thicker. Many of us have chucked scorn at the cops for years because most of us only see the slow witted, slow talking, ‘Mr Plod’ types who seem to struggle so much issuing a literate statement to media you wonder how the hell they could ever solve a mystery.

However lately it has come to my attention that an awful lot of the criminally inclined among our population are racing like hell to take the title of the thickest group of people in New Zealand from our dullards in blue.

Two examples of some of this latest batch of fumbling felons arose in the Far North this week and these two Northlanders were a long way north of sensible.

The first of those who is aptly named after the allegedly first ever man – (who by all accounts wasn’t all that smart either) is Adam Saville of Mangawhai. Adam had a really good idea about stealing a pair of Nike shoes from Rebel Sports in the Okara Shopping Centre. He was spotted by store staff trying to stuff them down his trousers (was he trying to impress the girls?). When he realised he had been tumbled, he took to his heels (presumably with the Nikes still in a position to bruise his tender parts).

Unfortunately Adam wasn’t that fleet of foot (maybe he should have put the Nikes on his feet instead of his old feller) and was soon caught by some civic-minded bystanders. They brought Adam back to the store to face the music, but Adam wasn’t yet singing from the same song sheet and decided to opt for adding a bit of percussion. He did this somewhat unwittingly as only the witless can, by attempting to flee his captors. However in his haste he forgot that it’s a better idea to look where you are going rather than where you have come from. As a result he ran headlong into a head-high horizontal bar that was holding up a street sign and took an enforced nap on the pavement where he was duly scooped up and arrested. I’ll bet he really reckons those $130 shoes were worth a smack on the head and a criminal record. Imagine if he’d got away with them; he’d never want for anything again (except perhaps a brain cell).

The second Northerner to display his cretinous credentials has not been named at this stage (presumably to spare the embarrassment of anyone who had anything to do with his birth.

Mr Anonymous or Mr Big (Plonker) as we shall call him came up with a brilliant plan to steal a packet of batteries from Pak ‘N’ Save. Unfortunately we can’t cost this one out so we don’t know if this is a three or four figure crime (including cents).

Anyway Mr Big had not quite mastered the magicians’ art of palming his booty and was spotted by store staff, and took off. He should have inserted the batteries first, because that might have made him a little brighter and more likely to avoid capture. Unfortunately he didn’t have the time or the wit to do this and instead simply ran down the street followed by store staff. A passing policeman saw the commotion and was able to easily intercept and arrest him. The policeman found it really easy to track the thief because he was wearing a bright yellow High-Vis vest, which we have to conclude, was the only bright thing about this person.

In an update form an earlier blog at this site entitled You’d better give the suckers an even chance I see former Hastings barrister Sacha Beacham has been in trouble again. Ms Beacham would appear to be in good company with Messrs Saville and Anonymous above as she hasn’t quite got the message that she needs to stop drinking or at least stop misbehaving when she does. Last year the boozing barrister was fined and disqualified from driving for her third drink driving conviction. At the time she managed to get the trial moved to Auckland to save her blushes in her hometown. Following the court’s generous indulgence Ms Beacham didn’t bother to turn up for her hearing because she heard a media had applied for permission to take pictures of her.

Well this time Ms Beacham faced the court over a charge of obstructing police and resisting arrest. I hardly need add the demon drink was involved again and it would seem she has learned very little since her last court experience as this offence took place on New Year’s Eve, some four months after her previous conviction. I notice Ms Beacham who is reported to have relocated to Auckland was this time tried in Napier (presumably for the same reasons she was tried in Auckland last time).  This time she turned up, however and unsuccessfully tried to oppose the press application to take photographs. I do hope Ms Beacham gets herself into a programme to deal with the obvious problem she has with alcohol before she kills someone. Most sane people would not go out and get bladdered and arrested when they have as much to lose as she does. You have to wonder how good she is as a barrister based on her own decisions.

Another criminal whose brains seem to be AWOL is former director of National Finance Anthony Banbrook. Mr Banbrook has just pleaded guilty in the High Court at Auckland to a charge of signing a company document which included untrue statements. His sentencing on the charge which carries potential penalties of up to five years in the slammer or fines of up to $300,000 is scheduled for August.

When asked to surrender his passport prior to his sentencing the former financial genius asked the judge if he could take his pre-booked holiday in Fiji first.

Thankfully Justice Mark Woolford was having none of it. Neither was Crown Prosecutor Steve Symon who pointed out that Banbrook had booked the holiday for the time the trial was to have been conducted. The only reason Banbrook was ‘free’ to take it was because of his guilty plea which meant the trial finished early.

So to recap; this financial genius pre-booked a holiday to Fiji for a time when it would be obvious to any but the eternally he would not be able to go if he pleaded not guilty and even less likely if he pleaded guilty. No wonder the company collapsed.

However just to demonstrate how equally dopey our legislators can be, I point to the Vehicle Confiscation & Seizure Bill. I think whoever came up with this idea must have been having a seizure at the time.

This week the first boy-racer (I prefer the term idiot-boy) car was crushed by Police Minister Anne ‘Tosser” Tolley. This one belonged to Daniel Briant who had reached the requisite three strikes for his idiotic behaviour in front of an off-duty police officer in Porirua. (there’s help in your town, Daniel). Less than three hours after being sentenced by the Court he was behind the wheel again doing exactly the same stuff, this time proving what a hopeless wannabe driver he was by crashing into a fence which wasn’t probably nowhere near as thick as him.

This bright young spark then set about trying to hide his car by a series of registration changes, but eventually the law caught up with him and the car was uplifted and made into a metallic poppadom.

But the point here is the legislation that empowers the state to wantonly vandalise an otherwise perfectly good car in order to ‘teach’ Daniel a lesson didn’t seem to stop him repeating his idiocy even after the order was made to seize his car.

For the law to work it has to appear reasonable to the ordinary man in the street and if young people in particular are to learn from it, there must be no stupid inconsistencies such as this. Simply seizing the car and selling it would deprive him of his wheels just as surely as this act of vandalism would. But then like so many laws enacted as a knee-jerk reaction, it’s all just window dressing; it looks pretty but it only creates an image and changes nothing.

You’d better give the suckers an even chance

The recent riots in England have raised the question as to whether such a situation could unfold in New Zealand.

I would have to say that I seriously doubt it at present, but that is not to say it is something you could rule out entirely. As things stand right now, I feel it is unlikely as the ‘powers that be’ (of low wattage though they are) seem to have worked out just the right formula to keep the plebs from revolting. The method seems to be to offer just enough of a carrot from time to time so the rabbit still thinks he’s got a chance of actually getting the rest of it.

However if you don’t offer the subject something good, albeit in small measure from time to time, he will go feral and scratch you up big time. I don’t know how many of you are aware how much damage a feral bunny can do, but let’s just say the scratches are only the beginning. Once the infections kick in things get really messy, and it is that serious bacterial infection that caused the ‘rash’ of violent acts that England experienced.

Much as I can’t stand that upper class twit of a British Prime Minister; I can’t help but feel he hit the nail on the head when he said, “The greed and thuggery we saw during the riots did not come out of nowhere. There are deep problems in our society that have been growing for a long time: a decline in responsibility, a rise in selfishness, a growing sense that individual rights come before anything else."

Way to go Davey! And it’s not just the politicians and other civic leaders either!

But for a society to reach the sort of tipping point where it is cars they want to tip and not waiters, it only requires for most people to feel others are granted privileges they are not simply based upon their income or family standing.

Our society is already heavily weighted in favour of those in a position of economic or political power. Most of us accept that to a certain extent because it has been so deeply entrenched that nothing short of violent revolution is likely to completely eradicate it. And even then, as anyone who has seen the film of the Harold Robbins book, The Adventurers will know; that is no better solution than moving the deck chairs on the Titanic.

However I think even placid Kiwis will have their limits. Just how high their threshold actually is; who knows? I wouldn’t recommend anyone trying to find out, though.

And that is why we need to wipe out the sort of circling of the wagons and self interest protection that happened when 39-year-old Hawke’s Bay barrister Sacha Beacham was convicted for her third drink driving offence last week.

For those who haven’t seen it; Beacham was stopped by police because of complaints they received about how erratically she was driving. When she was breath tested she blew 561mcgs which is nearly 40 percent over the limit. I suppose I should be grateful inasmuch as this is lower reading than her last conviction and about the same as her first. In 2002 she gave a blood alcohol reading of 112 (40% over) and then in 2007 she blew 703mcgs (76% over).

Under the Government’s much publicised tinkering with the legislation we were all told that offenders would go to jail on their third drink driving offence. I hardly need add this has not been the case for Ms Beacham. She was merely fined $1200 with costs of less than $150 and disqualified from driving for 9 months. Big deal.

But wait, there’s more as they say in Infomercial-Land. She called the shots on where she was to be tried. She didn’t want to be tried in her home town where she would have to deal with Probation Services personnel who knew who she was (oh, the embarrassment!) So the judge kindly agreed to move the trial to Auckland for her. And then she didn’t even bother turning up because she heard a media application had been lodged to take pictures of her in court.

The judge expressed his annoyance at her not turning up to court, and they had to hold another hearing to complete the matter, but that doesn’t appear to be reflected in the sentence. Furthermore he denied the application from media to photograph the defendant in court.

An enterprising Fairfax photographer seems to have swiftly realised all bets were off OUTSIDE the court and managed to snap a pic of her anyway.

But I am not that bothered about whether her picture is in the paper or not. This issue is that she appears to have been treated differently to, say a beneficiary from Flaxmere who might find himself facing the same charge.

The Law society say they might investigate Ms Beacham’s suitability to continue holding a practicing certificate, although the statements they have made remain ‘theoretical’ and avoid any direct comment on this particular case.

I’m thinking they might be a bit embarrassed about it too, considering Beacham’s track record. She was first convicted in 2002. This apparently did not make her unsuitable at that stage because she was admitted to the bar in 2005.

Then in 2007 she racked up her second conviction but apparently was still suitable at that stage. Now she has this third conviction and it should also be mentioned the police laid a charge of disorderly behaviour in connection with this latest offence. However that was dropped because police said it ‘had been dealt with by means of a formal caution’. Now that might not have been anything as dramatic as an assault, but clearly she must have reacted in some way when stopped that gave rise to such a charge. Is the New Zealand Law Society going to think this is alright too?

For laws to work they have to be applied evenly and fairly and when they are not the number of those who feel no affinity with nor have any respect for society grows. That is the climate that creates riots like those in England. That is not to say that the rioters in England weren’t a bunch of rabble-rousing criminals; I’m sure most of them were. But the point is if you create an environment where the rule of law can break down; you give such people an opportunity. And if the omens are right, they’ll sure as hell take it.