Tuesday, 26 April 2011

The natives are revolting and they’re ugly!

Election year is definitely the time that brings out the worst in people. The naked lust for power, the grubby broom cupboard alliances, the sickening photo opps, the name calling....

Yep this is the sort of behaviour we have come to expect from those who ‘lead’ us. Small wonder the place is going to the dogs. (Sorry doggies, no offence, I just haven’t found a better expression for such a state).

Over the last 12 months the parties have all had the old wrecking ball out desperately trying to clear away the debris from their previous shambolic caucuses. Already there have been a few squeals from those getting trashed in the worst possible way.

Labouring’s Crass Carter even had the temerity to lob a couple of grenades back at his leader Phil Pants, but because he throws like a girl they kind of bounced back and blew him to pieces, but not in the way he would have liked.

Of course Pants also had his pulled down over the Darien Hoose saga. I think ol’ Phil was a bit unfairly slagged on that one. He did do the right thing; it just took him a while to make up his mind.

Of course the more alert ones among you will have noticed that both these Labouring examples were gay. Do we detect a little anti-gay bias in the Labouring Party then?

Hell no, Damien O’Gonner was just messing with them when he said that!

Of course the National Disgrace Party has had its moments as well. Patsy Went Wong got herself in the hot noodles when her hubby used OUR MONEY to go and further HIS business in China. But notice how leader JiangQi  made excuses for her short term memory loss, then gave her time to make up an excuse, er get her story together, then tried to hide her and send her on holiday before finally having to ‘accept her resignation’.

Then of course we have the case of John Hatfield, the most balanced politician in Aotearoa. Two fucking big chips; one on each shoulder and a superiority complex that defies all logic. This man is often spoken of as being very intelligent but I guess it all depends on what you call intelligence. It might be just me, but I think offending everyone including the party that put you into parliament is not one of those qualities that define a smart person. The guy is obsessed with being the centre of attention, and like a hyperactive child he doesn’t know when to stop. Even the bad attention seems to be better than none for him.

Still well done HH, I doubt that you’ve only sunk yourself; I suspect your antics have also put a whacking great hole in your ex party’s waka as well.  

Then Acting Party leader Rodney Lied caught a whiff of mutiny in the air and tried to dispatch Heather Royboy. But our Heather is a soldier and she was more than a match for Rodders. Royboy must have one or two influential friends in the party hierarchy because although he somehow managed to lever her out of the deputy seat, he couldn’t get rid of her altogether and she remains steaming in the corner and no doubt plotting her revenge.

I suspect that one of those chooks might be coming home to roost at this very moment, because it would seem that Rodders now faces a challenge from Dong Brash. Now it might seem silly and I can understand you thinking he has nothing to fear from probably the world’s most boring man, but it rather looks like the old dullard also has some big Acting mates.

It really is bizarre and you would have to wonder if the Acting Party strategist is actually working for the other side to even think of bringing back old Dong. Mind you they do attract quite a lot of bizarre characters into their parliamentary ranks.

The party has only been around a little over a decade and it has already had three ‘colourful’ leaders. I’ve always felt Rogered Douglas was a weird old bugger and Prebs was known as Mad Dog Prebble with pretty good reason and now they’ve got Rodney Lied who is actually madder than the previous two put together. Dong would probably be perfectly well suited among this sort of company. However despite the fact the old duffer is unquestionably as mad as the other three, there is still one thing they all had/have that he does not - a personality.

Now it might sound shallow but the reality is that you do need some sort of personality to win an election and this is even more important in the case of a party leader. You don’t have to be nice, though. If that were the case, then horrible little vermin like Mulledloon would never have had a show. To lead a party in an election and get its fair share of votes, means you either have to be fawningly, falsely charming or foaming at the mouth despotic. But you have to have some sort of profile. Dong who?

No comments:

Post a Comment